31 day reset - Day 26

Make a new friend

The person should be in your community of support, someone who is like-minded and can hel you achieve your goals.

Funny how this friend "came to me" she keeps saying, "you're amazing and I was drawn to you" which can be creepy but somehow I get it. She is someone I work with, much older than I am but I already see her as a friend, a mentor and someone I will learn a lot from the upcoming months.

She and I have talked about everything from self development (especially that) to relationships to character building all the way down to clean eating. since we started having our DMCs (Deep meaningful conversations) I've been saying a prayer for here everyday, thanking God for bringing her into my life. It was truly like magic.

Here's a Toast to my new friend!

Cheers!

Love always,
Sabirah.

On Maintaining Relationships.

Over the last 2 days I've emailed 6 friends, Called 2, texted 5, emailed 3 former employers, sent a card to an old colleague, called an aunt and emailed 2 cousins and one professor; This list doesn't include the friends I talk to every couple of days via bbm, phone or text. And I still have people I need to contact

How do I deal?

Over the last year between graduating, going to Italy -> California -> Lagos and now back to California, I feel like I've left a string of relationships all over the place. Relationships I can't seem to properly manage. For example, my college friends who I love so dearly; these people were the ones I cried to when I slaved all week on a paper and still got a B, or when that relationship ended. They were the ones I cooked for every weekend, the ones who stayed with me the thanksgiving I had nowhere to go...

How about my former employers? The ones who gave me an opportunity, and taught me, corrected me and encouraged me, the ones who still agree to be my references? Or cousins, who I have lost touch with but still share about 12% of my DNA. Or friends who may not be so close but I still know I will cry at their weddings and still stay on the phone with them for three hours when they need to cry.

Or my new friends who I've know only a short while but it seems like an eternity... The list is endless, these relationships may not be my closest, as close as before or geographically close but all these people mean something to me and are an important part of my existence.

My question is how do you manage? I know at some point in my life I was on top of it, monthly check-in's for some, bi-weekly check-ins for others and for some just a "hello hope you're well" once every 6 months and a "happy birthday, God bless you" once every year. But somehow I lost it, and I don't know how to get it back. I know that saying "20 friends cannot play together for 20 years", and I understand it. This isn't a matter of "friendship". From casual acquaintances to work networks... These are relationships I don't want to just fizz out, some will I understand, but I want to do my part to make sure some don't.

And I'm drowning.

Help.

31 day reset- Day 12

Today's task was to craft our ideal life narrative. I really enjoyed writing this :)

I am living in a quiet surburb filled with the sounds of birds, wind and children playing. Our house is spacious and has a lot of light coming in through the large windows, I especially love my home office because of the giant inspiration board above my computer. It is organized and messy at the same time. This is where I create. We own a lot of art and It's everywhere. Mostly by me and the people I love but also some prints of famous pieces. Our Decor is very DIY- Quirky. I love to entertain and my huge kitchen has been the home to lots of laughter, tears of joy and reunions. My partner and I host dinner parties often to catch up with friends and I hold a monthly book club meeting.


I am not "famous" but I am well known and respected in my field. I am good at what I do. I am a teacher, a creator and inspiration, a mover and shaker(lol). I run a successful cosmetic line and own an all natural salon and spa. I am active with the youth in my community especially girls and I am a mentor to many. I am part of a successful NGO in this area. I also run a blog/website where I share random things like recipes, book reviews etc and remind myself to stay happy and not forget me.


I spend my summers with my family in Florence doing some work, relaxing and continuing to practice my Italian. Travel is important to me and I try to experience a new area often whether 100km or 10,000km away. I enjoy and cherish my time alone and try to find at least a little time to spend by myself often. I take long baths in my vintage cast iron tub with claw feet to relax and often dance/go dancing with my partner for fun.


My partner is a handsome loving caring man who supports my quest to be a better person as I support his. I am very close to my parents and see them at least every two weeks. My brother and I are very close and he often spends a lot of time at my house. I am in touch with extended family members and often call, send gifts and visit.


I exercise often and cook healthy meals for my family. I am healthy physically and mentally. I earn enough to live the life I want and enjoy a few luxuries once in a while. I portion at least 10% of my earnings to helping others have a better life.


I am consistent on my self development journey and I continue to find ways to learn more, read more, give more and create more. God is ever present in my life and I bring him into my consciousness all the time. I stay on track with meditation, quiet time daily and prayer.
I am living my truth, and you can see it in all the love that shines upon me.

Living on the Edge

The title is very literal.
On Saturday my darling friend Seyi and I decided to enjoy some California Sun, sand and water. Little did we know the adventure that lay ahead.

We set out to Santa Cruz since we wanted a change from San Francisco beaches. We drove all the way, through the windy mountains, reached our destination and then realized we didn't want to be there. See Santa Cruz is your typical beach town, boardwalk with rides, candyfloss, beach boys, naked girls, a nice dose of hippies, basically lots of "characters". And Seyi and I were just looking for peace from a long week.

We were stuck, it was already 3:30 we couldn't go back to SF. Seyi then had a crazy idea,
"Why don't we just drive on highway 1, it's on the coast anyway and we'll just make a turning where we see an open road..." I gave her a crazed side eye and said nothing.
We had barely driven 5mins and she turned into what looked like farmland to me. she promised she saw water beyond... and so we began to walk...

Crossed some railway tracks, I was excited, still a little skeptical, this is how horror movies start

A teaser! water!! we were so excited till we realized there was no way for us to descend the cliff :(

So I fooled around a bit

And then the exciting part! we started walking along the cliff edges! it was exhilarating, scary, dangerous amazing

And the view! Amazing!! I don't know how many feet above we were maybe 200ft? crazy

At this point there were signs "Danger unstable cliff" Seyi inched closer, crazy!

you can tell we're really close here, it doesn't look that far down but it was. the crash of the water on the rocks! wonderful

Finally a not-too-steep descent

After 40mins of walking we were glad to find this path, albeit windy and steep

Spooky! we made it!

Spooky caves were the sounds of the waves echoed, of course we were the only ones here

Happiness

Relaxation time (check out my naija flip flops :D)

The long walk home

It was an amazing day and getaway, I felt sooo rejuvenated. It was just the pick-me-up I needed. Thank you Seyi, for an amazing day. We truly had the best YOLO moments :*

ps- all photos courtesy Seyi's iphone

Hope you enjoyed!

Nice is as Nice does...

On Sunday, in church, which by the way creates a pretty decent backdrop for deep thoughts, I started thinking about college and all the things I used to do to occupy my time, and a lot of consisted of doing nice things for my friends and strangers, it was a big part of my life, no holiday/birthday/valentines passed by without everyone receiving a gift, I called people often just to check up on them etc

Now, I always proudly define myself as a nice person, likable, personable and people have often taken advantage of it as I discussed in this post, but i can't let that change me, maybe be more cautious but still. Nice is as nice does and I can't claim to be a nice person if I don't act that way.

Basically I've slacked, and I value this part of my personality too much to let it fade away. Being in Lagos makes it so much harder because there's so much to be mad about, to despair but that even makes it more important to be nice, and kind.

This is an inward reflection on my personality but if it in the least bit inspires you to be kinder, I'll be really happy!

Oh happy holidays!

P.s did i mention that I teach english at a secondary school, well my friend Leke took this Photo of me check it out -> http://imperialmedia.shutterchance.com/image/2011/12/19/abraham-lincolns-letter-to-his-sons-teacher/


Love and Kindness
Sabirah

I miss Italia

Before you start, click play on the video... i'll tell the story of this song maybe another time.

(music playing? yes!? ok. Vai Vai!!)

1) I miss living a 4min walk from This. The Duomo... sigh

2) I miss almost every meal ending with this! sigh

 3) I miss Gelato! but even more I miss these amazing girls

 4) I miss eating Real Simple Pizza... I can't even look at American Pizza anymore

5) I miss the gorgeous Arno River

 6) I miss Barcardi Breezers!!in all the gorgeous flavors. Yes gorgeous Flavors!

 7) I miss being silly like this (tell me if you get it ;))

 8) I miss OK bar, our personal cafe. this was our first time there.

 9) I miss my almost-Italian Lover Fabio

 10) Gelato gets a shout out twice... you know why

 11) I miss Dante being everywhere!!!! Dante Alighieri!

 12) I miss being in awe of all the Art around me. I miss this sooo much

13) Most of all I miss these crazy girls(L-R Nirel,  Mama Sophia (all she does is win! lol) Me, Kathleen aka Lil' Peach, Nic nic Nicooole, Alexie Lexie Lexie!!) my Experience will not have been the same without them!!

I'm going to stop now before the tears... i'll probably do another one of these next week. You get my point, I miss Italy

Ci Parliamo dopo!
Sabirah

What you deserve.

Hi everyone, its been a minute so i'll get right into it

I've missed this space. sigh.

You've got to know what you deserve. Again - You've got to know what you deserve. Know your worth. This comes with a certain level of honesty with yourself, the type of honesty that can sometimes hurt, the kind that makes you more self aware than you ever were.

Let me explain. I'll use the person i know the best as my example. Myself. I know what I put out there, the kind of commitment and work I put into my relationships, from the one with my father, to the one with my closest friends, from the broken ones to that have never changed. I know when i've been lazy but I also know that if i died today, all the people I care about would have no doubts about my love for them. Because of these i have certain expectations of these relationships. And when these aren't met it's time to re-evaluate.

Its a hard process, actually demanding what you rightfully deserve, because I know as a person I have invested way too much time in myself, not to get the very best (by my own standards). Because its good to be forgiving, give second chances etc but not to your own detriment. I had being doing this for a long time but after a while you realize the you are the one letting yourself be held back.

Make a mental note to yourself, i'm doing it too, to start asking for more- at your work, from yourself from your relationships, and continue to work on yourself so that you will be deserving of the best when the opportunity comes.

On Managing Friendships...

I've always been one of those people who has a steady group of friends, I was reading my "baby's book" ( A book where over excited mothers document every last detail of your life for your first few years- reserved for first kids only) and my mum wrote in it "Sabirah is a magnetic kid, although not very chatty she seems to have formed a nice group of pre-schooler friends who love her simple and gentle instructions on how to play with leggo something about her..."-gee thanks mom :).Anyways so for most of my life I've had a steady group of friends with a few falling off the grid once in a while and being duly "replaced" -I use that word loosely I don't think human beings can be replaced. 

A Photo of Me and Some of my closest girlfriends. :) 

Growing up has been putting challenges on my friendships though. My closest friends are around my age group and I treat them like the adults that they are, at the same time I feel like sometimes friends need to call out your bullshit- and this right here is my problem, as a rule I don't give advice unless I'm asked because
1) I don't Know it all, so who knows my advice maybe wrong...
2) It's a tad intrusive, especially on really sensitive issues

I'm always struggling in that space where being a good supportive friend and not being intrusive, because everyone deserves that space (I know I need it) and I don't want to ever come off as judgmental or anything like that. But what happens when someone very close to you does something that you really disapprove of? I'm trying my best to be supportive of my friend's choices but it's tearing at our friendship bit by bit. I am by no means without fault...but... I really can't explain why i'm so affected since it wasn't something that involved me.

I really hope this passes, or we have progressive conversation( tried a couple of times already)
In the end all I want if for said friend to be happy and if this is the route then I lay down my weapons.

Till next time...