31 day reset- Day 17

Today's task. 100 things that make me happy!!Whoop. fun fun fun. That was the whole purpose of this blog so here we go. In no particular order.

1. Family
2. Close Friends
3. Yoga
4. Exercising
5. Eating great food
6. Cooking great food for myself and others
7. The partner
8. Posting on this blog
9. travelling 
10. Exploring new things
11. Pretty stationery - Cards and note cards especially blank ones
12. crafting - Making things with my hands- Soap, headbands, earrings, cards
13. DMCs - Deep Meaningful conversations
14. Candles
15. Flowers that don't make me sneeze
16. Neo Soul music
17. Afrobeat
18. Karaoke
19. Hosting brunches
20. Playing Taboo
21. Playing "concentration"
22. Sweet cocktails
23. Dressing up
24. Natural hair
25. Afros!!
26. Watching movies based on old english novels- Pride and prejudice, Jane Eyre etc
27. Spending the day at the beach
28. Day trips
29. Photography
30. Going to museums
31. My Leather journal
32. Spending time with loved ones
33. Salads
34. Home
35. Giving gifts
36. Receiving gifts
37. Taking long baths
38. washing my hair
39. Drinking tea
40. Dancing
41. volunteering
42. Smell of pastry
43. Books- real books made with paper
44. The smell of old books
45. Music from Baba himself, Anikulapo!
46. My daddy's singing
47. My mom's laugh
48. My brother's jokes
49. Jewellery
50. Thrift stores
51. Pretty bras that fit
52. sexy undergarments
53. Lipstick
54. Farmer's markets
55. flea markets
56. Gummy worms
57. Good wine
58. Sunshine
59. Rain
60. Thunder
61. Live music
62. Cafes 
63. Road trips
64. Singing in the car
65. Massages
66. Doing my nails myself
67. Sun dresses
68. kisses
69. Chocolate
70. hugs
71. butterfly kisses
72. vanilla flavored and scented things
73. Strawberries
74. Mangoes
75. Agbalumo
76. Balsamic vinegar
77. Being in Love
78. Sunday mornings
79. Pancakes and Perfect scrambled eggs
80. Strong women
81. Pretty food
82. Reading
83. Fashion
84. Italy, Italian culture.
85. intimate Wedding decor, planning, attire.
86. Men's Fashion and stylish men
87. The color green
88. Pictures
89. The color coral
90. Interior Decor
91. Love quotes from old books and movies... and poetry
92. Soft serve ice-cream
93. Boy shorts
94. Lifting weights
95. Smiling
96. Saying "Thank you"
97. Jazz music
98. Fluffy comfy beds
99. Long train rides.
100. Leather satchels and briefcases
101. Classic shoes
102. My quiet time
103. 101. Luxurious bath items- soap, bath bombs, lotions
104. Bookstores
105. Tiramisu
106. Chocolate cake
107. The smell of coffee
108. Independent and foreign films
109. Book readings
110. Being on time
111. Warm nights on roof tops
112. Lights, sparkly lights, pretty light at night.
113. washing my hands
114. Glasses
115. Male feminists
116. Sade Adu
117. Nneka
118. Dialogue
119. Sunday brunch
120. Numbers divisible by 3.

I am an alaseju (doing the most) I couldn't stop at 100... and I could still go on, but yeah see what I did with that last one? ;)

I enjoyed this task! So much fun, even if you aren't doing the 31 day reset(which you should totally do) you can do this task! just for fun, if you do let me know/see!

Love,

Sabirah

Buon' weekend!

Woman first, everything else after

I've been thinking a lot about my identity and how it shapes the person that I am, What does it mean to be a woman, especially in today's society and how is it to my disadvantage or advantage. In order for me to move forward, progress in a sense I have to constantly reflect on the person that I am and why I am that way.

 Who are you? Woman?
Being a woman is a huge part of my identity and it intersects with many different parts of it. In Africa, a woman is "The body that gives birth" This mean many things, Firstly it distinguishes the main difference between a Man and a woman. The definition is extremely problematic because it focuses on only the physical, there are many women who cannot give birth or carry babies. The classification of "Woman" or "Man" is the social representation of perceived biological differences...  which we have ascribed sooo much meaning to.
For me woman firstly is how you identify. The woman that I am is beautiful and strong and fighting many battles, everyday. Her living is resistance, her own activism.

You are what you do
Of course to fit into this model of "Woman" there are many things I must do, dress a certain way, speak a certain way and generally self-present in a way that is consistent with the term "woman". Historically and geographically this has changed a lot, rules still apply. This decision was made for me long before  I was born but challenging these roles has been nothing short of hard. Its really hard to change your way of thinking when you have been so conditioned to behave a certain way. The repercussions disobeying these rules are high... Anything from insults to down right assault are all fair game.
When I first started Identifying as a feminist, I sometimes felt bad about liking Fashion and make-up but as I got deeper into my knowledge It struck me that this is exactly what we are fighting for, the right to be able to like whatever I want. To like fashion and heels and also reading and analyzing... That I can make informed decisions about my life and be independent.

Traditional African Feminist??
Being raised in a Traditional African home I find my identities butting heads. I want those things that I've have been taught to want a family, a husband, children. But then I have realized i'm not a western feminist and our fights and struggles are very different its OK for me to want these things... I'm fighting against multiple oppressions, firstly the intersections between patriarchy and poverty and how they affect women of course, but also to preserve those cultural practices and even religion that we hold so dearly while still improving lives of women. Its a difficult struggle. Can't you see that i'm not fighting for just women, its for all of us, to have a better society... So when you as a man say "I don't care about feminists can't you see what you just did... damned generations of your unborn 

My body, your commodity.
As a black woman the hyper sexualized images of ourselves in society is not hidden at all, you don't even have to step out of your house. I find myself asking over and over, what is this need to be sexy? For who? Whose pleasure, who am I trying to appease? These questions are often left unanswered because on one hand I want to be wanted and on the other I want it to be for the right reasons, not because my body is something to be devoured, used and picked apart. Because when you say your ass isn't big enough, you aren't worth it can't you see what you have reduced me to? a piece of flesh... for your consumption.   I know that there can be a connection between sexuality and female pleasure and that I should be able to look at myself and feel good that I am a whole person, a package, brains, mind, soul, body, beautiful one and the same. and still fucking sexy

Empowerment...
I have a passion for teaching the value of the girl, the woman to the girl and the woman. I've been on this journey myself for a while and I'm not "there" yet but somehow I know that if I can begin to make someone else see these things... then the earlier the better. Its hard, but so necessary... fight the good fight viva la resistance! Viva la mujer!


Disclaimer :This is not meant to be an essay or some kind of instructional or poetry or whatever, these are thoughts, swirling in my brain begging to be let out... the italics are on purpose not quotes, maybe for texture... of course if you want to add to my ramblings you are welcome :)

Opinion: Challenging your own beauty standards

Hey everyone,

One of those topics that just keeps coming up nowadays is beauty standards. The negative effects of unattainable beauty standard on the self-esteem, psychological and physical health are undeniable and many efforts to change these standards have not been successful. Even in non-western countries such as Nigeria, beauty standards are changing but not for the better. I could list all the one million reasons why this is a problem, but that is not the topic today.

 I believe change begins with the individual, I'm pretty comfortable with the person I am but I have my own insecurities too, while most days I'm satisfied with the way my body looks, other days I don't feel so good. It is important that while we are trying to make changes to the status quo, we start from within.

Its hard to stay unaffected by the various images around us and unless you live in a blank white room and never come out, you will be affected one way or the other. I don't watch TV but I go out, at the grocery store check out line I see the glossy magazines etc, its hard to escape all these reminders that we are "sub par".

I remember when I first cut of all my hair when I went natural, even though I had been thinking about it for a long time, when I finally cut my hair I was excited but I didn't feel beautiful. The first few days I wore a wig, and then when I left the wig go, I wore lots of make-up. When I look at the pictures now it's funny. For some people though thats everyday reality.


So here is how I started to work on challenging notions of beauty bearing down on me

1) Knowledge : I began to read about the history of different beauty practices, about the evolution of body images, models and whatever I could lay my hands on to understand the processes behind them.

2) Discussion: I began to discuss with friends, family and myself. Challenging all of us on the things we find attractive and why and what could be problematic.

3) Affirmations: I have some things about myself posted in different places in my apartment, telling me i'm beautiful and smart and worthy, it may seem silly, but on those down days they really help.

4) Inspiration: In addition to the above, I needed something more, a place where I could go to see people who looked like me, beautiful images of women with darker skin tones and natural hair, with different body types, who were fashionable, smart and more. So I created a tumblr sabirah.tumblr.com  as a place to store all of this. It is working very well.

All of this may seem like a lot of work, but i'm heavily invested in it, it is a women's issue and women's issues are everybody's issues! If you didn't know already my life's purpose is to empower young women, starting with myself. As a young feminist, I continue to gain knowledge, encourage discussion and fight the good fight!

Any thoughts?

Till next time,
Sabirah.