I wasn't born with a rule book...

...And I don't intend on living my life like I was, I'm about to graduate and as a result I have been doing a lot of reflection. How did I get here? and am I happy with where I am in Life now? I've had a lot of doubts in this last month about my academic experience, a part of me feels like I didn't get what I wanted out of it, all of a sudden I realized I should have been an African history and Women and Gender studies, psychology proved to be too euro-centric for me. But I still enjoyed the hell out of it.

Over the years I had made a strict life plan, the most recent being that I would graduate, enter a PhD in social psychology, do that for about 6 years and then from there head home. But there was so much wrong with this plan, first my longing for my family and home couldn't be quenched, for every extra day I spent here I felt more homesick than the last. When I didn't get into the graduate program I wanted to go to, I took it as a blessing, and opportunity to re-route my plan. I'm going home. Because I know now that I forgot to look at the bigger picture, there were many different ways to reach my goals of empowering young girls... many

My anxieties about graduating had left me feeling unaccomplished and I even toyed with the idea of staying an extra year, but I realized that my time here is done and learning doesn't stop within the walls of a university in fact I think I got exactly what I was supposed to get out of an education, a deep desire to know more and confidence about the little I know, confidence to use that little bit to impact little changes everyday.

I'm closer to most of my dreams than i have ever been before, 2005 was the first time I thought about going to Italy, 2008 was the year I decided to learn Italian and 2011 is the year I am going to Italy. 2009 was the year that I realized I want to dedicate my life to empowering young girls, in 2010 The empowerment project was born. If someone asks me what is your five-year plan? I confidently reply, "I have no idea, but I will be happier and living all of my dreams for sure" I wasn't born with a rule book.

I'm not just satisfied, I'm overjoyed!

Scarves and wraps!!

I love head gear! hats and scarves et al, this post is just some photos of ways I've been wearing my head gear in spring, although they are very on trend right now, Davis isn't very fashion forward so I really haven't seen many people rocking them... I've been rocking scarves and turbans since I was born literally, my dad is Fulani so yeah big part of my culture. Here is how I've been incorporating them into my everyday style. Forgive me these were all taken with my camera phone, never found my camera sigh...

 I just used and ankara scarf to tie this, I had taken out the entire middle of my braids heheehhe well hidden

 same thing as above different fabric but and different style... amazing the diff styles you can do with a small scarf

 Thrift find! found this gorgeous scarf at my last thrifting expeditios tied it into a huge bow! i love bows!

 I used a jersey eternity( a circular scarf) scarf for this and I really liked how it turned out, trial and error people!

 I call this the home maker style cos it reminds me of that 50's headscarf style, lol, I like this because I have that little section of hair out. I love having my hair out... always playing with it. lol

 hair! :D

 This is a very similar style to the one above, just that I tied the top of the scarf into an exaggerated bow, I didn't think the material would hold but it did! I love the result, this is my favorite scarf by the way, not only because its green...

Sorry I didn't get more shots of this, I didnt know i was going to do a post!

Which was your favorite?

Kisses! thats all folks! Have an awesome weekend!

Boy oh Boy!

Yes this post is about boys, who eventually turn into men...

I've always been critical about this term "masculinity" for as long as I can remember. I only recently became curious about femininity but that is a post for another day.
When I was growing up my Dad lived in a different city which meant my brother was raised by my mom and myself, and he was (still is for the most part) the sweetest little boy, he was troublesome like most little boys are but he was also affectionate, caring and giving. He was never short on the "I love you's" and even though it's much less nowadays that he is fifteen that part of him is definitely still there. Of course he has been socialized probably mostly by school that asserting his strength and his power are ways to assert his masculinity, but my mother (bless her) never ceases to put him in check. It is my hope that he will continue to grow in this way and understand that masculinity doesn't equal the oppression of Femininity.

So I was reading a post today by Ev'yan's husband on this very same topic and it literally made me want to jump up and hug him.

I was learning that men are considered queer if they don’t act brash and overbearing; that men are supposed to be dominant, not submissive... To be a man isn’t to live by a rigid set of adjectives. It just means to be fully who I am — expressed in my own integrity, living my own truth. I only struggled to be a man because I was looking for my manhood stamp-of-approval from somewhere outside of me. (full post here)

 I highly recommend the full post, I wish a lot of men and women actually understood this. The type of men our society is creating is scary and is a reflection on all of us. When I think of the kind of attributes of a man I want to be with I find very few examples around me. A man that doesn't act in fear but acts in truth.
Women too have a personal responsibility towards creating a man who is courageous enough to be understand that his masculinity is not a box of rules that feed into oppression of the weaker. We have to be careful with our words and realize that the consequences of creating this sterotypical man are dire, for us and our children.
I found this TED video and I'm very happy that the two sources i have refered to in this post are by straight males, so that there will be no allusion to "oh don't act gay" etc.

Tony Porter makes a call to men everywhere: Don't "act like a man." Telling powerful stories from his own life, he shows how this mentality, drummed into so many men and boys, can lead men to disrespect, mistreat and abuse women and each other. His solution: Break free of the "man box."

I hope you understand where I'm coming from...
Thoughts?

Everyday is Mother's day...

So it was mother's day about a week ago here in America and it got me thinking who I was in relation to my mother.
I'm the first child and for a long time it was just me and my mother... I remember bits and pieces, like going to see The Lion King at the movies ( I was 5 at the time i think) and we both lived in London without my dad. It was an amazing day.
After that came my brother, then boarding school, and then college and all of a sudden i'm feeling this longing for her. Although we became closer after I moved to America, we still have never been as close as I wanted and compared to her relationship with my brother not that close. But I've been satisfied with our relationship. I can definitely say that we are friends, but I want something more.
The other day I was talking to my friend and she was telling me how she liked her mom, that apart from loving her for being her mom and all that she liked her for who she was. I thought that was just amazing and I'm not sure I can say the same.
I love her to bits and pieces and i want to know intimate things about her, like what does she think of first thing she wakes up? Does she like what her life became? What makes her excited? Is she happy? what is her favorite indulgence( i think its designer sunglasses lol) and her favorite food ( pretty sure its beans) What was she like as a teen( Everyone says she was a fighter with a sharp tongue lol). I want to know more...
I want to share parts of myself with her too, that I admire how strong she is, that the thing I'm most afraid of is losing her, that i want her to teach me about love 'cos I keep failing, that she has inspired all the good work I want to do. I wanted her to be here for my graduation, but she can't come and it kills me whenever I think of walking that stage and my number1 cheerleader isn't there. I wanted her to come and see my messy apartment, and my art, and my gorgeous green pots, and learn about me through my living space. She can't come and it kills me.
I have many more opportunities though, i'm moving home by God's grace in September and we shall be living together, there might be tensions but I can't wait to explore this wonderful woman. My mother

Airport, Jan 2009

Feeling much better

This is not a diary... or maybe it is
I'm feeling much better, I have so many things I want to post but I need my camera, here is to praying it turns up soon!! (or God sends me a much better one :D)
Have an amazing weekend

Clarity

I've had quite the horrid week and this scares me a little... because i've been here before
I lost my camera and after almost a week of hoping someone turns it in, i'm beginning to lose hope. It's affecting me way more than it should. I know not to tie my feelings into material objects but i really like my camera :( the idea of my pictures in the hands of some stranger freaks me out. :(

I'm praying for Clarity because there are quite a few things there is  one thing i'm hoping will be clear to me really soon. fingers crossed

I've been depressed before, I know how it starts and I can't go there again, not now. So I'm pulling it together with every last bit of strength I have... I don't know how much longer I can last.

Sigh!
i'm going to read my old posts and I hope they make me smile.
Thank God it's Friday and the end of a bleh week