Nice is as Nice does...

On Sunday, in church, which by the way creates a pretty decent backdrop for deep thoughts, I started thinking about college and all the things I used to do to occupy my time, and a lot of consisted of doing nice things for my friends and strangers, it was a big part of my life, no holiday/birthday/valentines passed by without everyone receiving a gift, I called people often just to check up on them etc

Now, I always proudly define myself as a nice person, likable, personable and people have often taken advantage of it as I discussed in this post, but i can't let that change me, maybe be more cautious but still. Nice is as nice does and I can't claim to be a nice person if I don't act that way.

Basically I've slacked, and I value this part of my personality too much to let it fade away. Being in Lagos makes it so much harder because there's so much to be mad about, to despair but that even makes it more important to be nice, and kind.

This is an inward reflection on my personality but if it in the least bit inspires you to be kinder, I'll be really happy!

Oh happy holidays!

P.s did i mention that I teach english at a secondary school, well my friend Leke took this Photo of me check it out -> http://imperialmedia.shutterchance.com/image/2011/12/19/abraham-lincolns-letter-to-his-sons-teacher/


Love and Kindness
Sabirah

Love to Music

I always dreamt that I would fall in love with a musician...

That he would play the sax and he would be all afro-beat-y

And my heart would beat to the rhythm of his drums,

My hips to his guttural voice,

And that when we made love, it was his music that would play as I climbed higher and higher.

That we would travel together and share this music, the music of our love, the music of us.

But it would never be enough,

Because the music would eventually take over,

Consume us,

I would break free,

He would need me,

I would let go.

And the music would be the only thing that would ever soothe his soul.

Little something I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

Love and freedom

Sabirah.

Music | Lagoooos Jump!

Lagos has been interesting and I remember one of my concerns when I first arrived was not fitting in socially. The scene seemed different than I expected and there was this overwhelming sense of pretentiousness everywhere that I felt I didn't want to be part of.

Over the next couple of weeks I was occupied with catching up with friends, a heavy bout of Malaria which knocked me out for eight days straight and a couple of rather pleasant dates. I can't say the overwhelming air of pretentiousness faded away but I came to a realization that I wasn't and didn't necessarily need to try and fit into any social scene.

A lot of the type of events I used to go to in California like art exhibitions, book readings, wine tastings etc are open to every one but in Lagos while they are open to everyone it's obvious that a lot of people come not to enjoy the art but as some kind of status label. To be honest it's not my business, I've come to realize it's up to me to live and enjoy my life as I please.

Soon after this realization, I saw a flyer for an event "Ade Bantu Live @ The Life house" I was faintly acquainted with him and if you know me you know I LOVE afrobeat so I didn't need to be told twice. I decided to invite my parents, because they both love music and my Dad is the reason I love Afrobeat so much. Best decision ever!

Me dolled up for the show

Apologies for the bad quality but here's what I wore

My amazing parents who came separately and ended up matching! too cute. They had such a great time!

 Ade Bantu on the far right :)

The oh-so amazing drummer. peep the cool Fela painting behind. :)

Jamming!

dancing :)

It was absolutely amazing, I really can't explain it! The Bantu crew was just, sigh. Ade Bantu and his 12 piece live band gave it everything! considering the small space. I was too happy.

Some videos, although nothing can really come close to the live performance!

Love and afrobeat,
Sabirah

So I moved...

Hello anyone here?

You may or not already know but I moved to Nigeria about two months ago.... And it's been fantastic, hectic and crazy but I love it, in fact I wonder why I didn't make the decision earlier. There's much to say and write about, dating, working, adapting, re-connecting. I'm not quite sure where to begin.

I guess this is my way of breaking the silence, letting you (whoever you are) know that i'm alive and well and I will resume posting here now that I have stable internet. Unfortunately I have to go now as the power is off (Welcome to Nigeria) and I absolutely hate the sound of generators especially in the mornings. Here is to resumed regular posting!

Cheers!
Love and Happiness
Sabirah.

I miss Italia

Before you start, click play on the video... i'll tell the story of this song maybe another time.

(music playing? yes!? ok. Vai Vai!!)

1) I miss living a 4min walk from This. The Duomo... sigh

2) I miss almost every meal ending with this! sigh

 3) I miss Gelato! but even more I miss these amazing girls

 4) I miss eating Real Simple Pizza... I can't even look at American Pizza anymore

5) I miss the gorgeous Arno River

 6) I miss Barcardi Breezers!!in all the gorgeous flavors. Yes gorgeous Flavors!

 7) I miss being silly like this (tell me if you get it ;))

 8) I miss OK bar, our personal cafe. this was our first time there.

 9) I miss my almost-Italian Lover Fabio

 10) Gelato gets a shout out twice... you know why

 11) I miss Dante being everywhere!!!! Dante Alighieri!

 12) I miss being in awe of all the Art around me. I miss this sooo much

13) Most of all I miss these crazy girls(L-R Nirel,  Mama Sophia (all she does is win! lol) Me, Kathleen aka Lil' Peach, Nic nic Nicooole, Alexie Lexie Lexie!!) my Experience will not have been the same without them!!

I'm going to stop now before the tears... i'll probably do another one of these next week. You get my point, I miss Italy

Ci Parliamo dopo!
Sabirah

Paper Chasing.

I've been thinking a lot about the reasons that i behave the way I do, for a long time now, but now more than ever i'm beginning to think about the way other's behave and the driving force behind these actions.

The revelations have been scary.

It seems that all of my peers are chasing money. Yes money, everyone is in a rush to get it however they can. It makes sense after all, money buys pretty things but it also pays for the basics like food and shelter, so it makes sense to follow the money no?

Yes and no for me, because i'm noticing more and more that its not just about the basics anymore, there's this raging desire to in their (my peer's) eyes to live a certain lifestyle and most times not one that they have grown up with. To be honest its OK to want to be more successful (how do we even measure success?) than our parents were, to provide for our children (if we have any) more than our parents did for us. I think of myself and my love for travel sure does cost some, and I like pretty things. 

But after all is said, Money is not the motive for EVERYTHING I do, and that's what scares me about these peers I'm talking about. I understand that some people don't have many options, they have to chase the money to survive, those are not the people I'm talking about. Everyday we're being sold a luxury lifestyle, through glitzy magazines and commercials on TV. No one ever talks about what is behind that life, and to be honest I have no interest in finding out. When I discuss my goals with people I can hear the scoff that barely escapes their lips, their thoughts "nobody makes any money like that".

How do I explain that although I understand what money can get it will never be the driving force behind my most important decisions (and I hope it will never have to be) i'm content with living a fulfilling life by changing the lives of others, having all the things I need and some wants now and then. I appreciate the privilege of having the opportunity to focus on dreams with the support of my parents, but I also know that there are many luxuries I have given up, and the Paper chasing route was an option and still seems appealing once in a while.

I guess at the end of it all it depends on your definition of happiness and where that comes from. Just make sure that whatever path you choose... whatever decisions you make its full of meaningful things.

I read this quote can't remember where but I was nine years old, actually I think it was the title of a book "Follow your dreams, the money will come after" something along those lines. It stuck I guess. 

Take a risk that brings you joy soon,

Sabirah.

What you deserve.

Hi everyone, its been a minute so i'll get right into it

I've missed this space. sigh.

You've got to know what you deserve. Again - You've got to know what you deserve. Know your worth. This comes with a certain level of honesty with yourself, the type of honesty that can sometimes hurt, the kind that makes you more self aware than you ever were.

Let me explain. I'll use the person i know the best as my example. Myself. I know what I put out there, the kind of commitment and work I put into my relationships, from the one with my father, to the one with my closest friends, from the broken ones to that have never changed. I know when i've been lazy but I also know that if i died today, all the people I care about would have no doubts about my love for them. Because of these i have certain expectations of these relationships. And when these aren't met it's time to re-evaluate.

Its a hard process, actually demanding what you rightfully deserve, because I know as a person I have invested way too much time in myself, not to get the very best (by my own standards). Because its good to be forgiving, give second chances etc but not to your own detriment. I had being doing this for a long time but after a while you realize the you are the one letting yourself be held back.

Make a mental note to yourself, i'm doing it too, to start asking for more- at your work, from yourself from your relationships, and continue to work on yourself so that you will be deserving of the best when the opportunity comes.

No more Mr. Nice Guy

Hello there whoever reads this blog, its so funny when someone mentions in passing oh I saw blah blah blah on your blog, I'm always like you read my blog? hahahaha. Ghost readers make yourselves known. leave a comment :)

Anyways I learned something about myself recently, actually I've always known this but it took someone to give me a jolt. I'm your typical nice girl, fun, always ready to help a friend in need, always with a smile and a listening ear. I'm not tooting my own horn, it's just who I've always been. This of course is a good thing, but like with most things it has it's downsides.

I was talking to a friend a couple of days ago and he called me a pacifist and I just had to agree. Because I value peace so much, I always forgive easily, let things slide and hold things in. This of course can be damaging and as I reflect on past relationship I see a string of resentment mostly because I never spoke up for the fear of hurting someone's feelings.

Rewind to Last month in Italy, I had an incident where I stood up to someone, as pacifist this is a terribly hard thing for one to do but something kept pushing me to do it. Here's what happened : So while living in Florence I had made some friends, one of whom was a guy who had a leather shop down the road. Anyways one day we went out to gelato and we were just talking, casually, a friend of mine mentioned that she had plans of visiting me in Nigeria and his retort was "ooooh Sabirah is Nigerian no wonder..." At this point my eyes just flashed red, I knew all the stereotypes of Nigerian women in Italy and it had been a major deciding factor on whether I would go. The fact that he alluded to that made me so mad. Of course he quickly tried to back track saying that he knew that i wasn't like that but the damage was done. He apologized and we made an excuse and left.

As upset as I was I got over it quickly and by night time I had fully forgiven him. A couple of days later I still had a nagging feeling about the whole situation. So I put on my big girl pants and walked to the store. I was so scared because I had no idea what his reaction to what I was going to say was going to be. I walked in there and owned the situation! I explained to him why i was so upset, told him that it wasn't just about me but women in general. long story short I set him straight. It wasn't easy, I was crying before I was halfway through, but little did I know that this was a the beginning of a reawakening.

Fast forward to the present, after this conversation with my friend and some reflection, I decided to put my new-found self knowledge to the test. This guy that had been trying to talk to me was beginning to take things to quickly and I let him know, it was so hard for me but it felt good,Ii explained that I was uncomfortable and he agreed to slow down, although that's now over (before it ever started), it was good practical use of my knowledge

I'm happy to start implementing this in small doses in all areas of my life. Yaay to personal growth.
I love reflecting, learning and growing.

In other news I miss Italy soooo much, i can't explain it, It's like I left something there, my heart maybe? lol yes i'm heavy on the cheese.
here is a one of my fave photos from Italy edited :)

 Till next time :)
Sabirah!

Italia: Lucca!

This has been my favorite Italian town/city yet and I've been to a few Vetralla, Viterbo, Pisa, Living in Florence, Rome, Siena... So it means a lot. Every Italian town has its own attraction and appeal. Florence and Lucca are close contenders for no1 in Italy in my book for many reasons.
Lucca was everything I had imagined Italy to be, small, authentic, beautiful and charming. It is one of the few Italian towns that still has a complete city wall from medieval times, a lot of the other towns had lost their walls to earthquakes or had been bombed during wars. The city walls were built to protect the city from attack and had look outs for guards. They often had the gates into the city and those were often shut at night to protect the people living in the city.
I loved Lucca because it had managed to keep its charm but still incorporate modern little things like modern shops etc. It was not flooded with tourists as Florence is and spending a day there was just amazing, I really got a sense of what the people that live there do...
Ok pictures :D (it was the same day i went to Pisa so same clothes but I spent the whole day in Lucca, just about an hour in Pisa)

Welcome to Citta di Lucca!

Lots and lots of bike riders here, like Davis! love it.

Isn't it great how Good music is universal? Although we couldn't get seats to the concert it was so nice to know that the people of Lucca would be enjoying a nice intimate concert.

A beautiful church in one of the main squares (piazza) There was a man playing beautiful music from an accordion. definitely set a great mood in the square.

Another beautiful chiesa (Church)

We went to this beautiful little Trattoria it was the most authentic Italian place I had eaten in, in my four weeks here :)

It was just so local and pretty and rustic! One of the main reasons I fell in love with Lucca.

My "Primi piatti" - First plate- Rissoto con Frutti di mare ( Rissoto, with mixed seafood) Soooo yummy! it had calamari and whole baby squid. yum yum.

These are the bottles that held the water and house wine that we got. yum yum Vino Rosso!

Secondo Piatti - Second plate. roast potatoes with veal. this was the most delicious piece of meat i had ever had in my life, cut so thinly and spiced just right, no over kill you can tell it was slowcooked. very moist and just delicious, by now you should know I really enjoy well cooked food. this was a winner!

Dessert con caffe! A shot of espresso with some delicious Tiramisu. We really ate Italian style, slow over good conversation so that when we were finally done we weren't as full and bloated as we expected.

My espresso saucer :) Passion of Espresso

Pretty Garden! Lucca!

Found a beautiful Yellow house, can't find the full picture :(

Walking on the medieval wall 

Sitting on the wall. I love this photo, it was Candid :)

Laying on the grass couldn't help but take a photo of these little flowers

The Sun hat was such an excellent idea! 

Arriverdeci Lucca! Ci vediamo dopo! Mi piace Citta di Lucca molto molto!

Italia: Pisa

So I went to Pisa and Lucca yesterday (post on Lucca coming up next) It has been surreal living in Florence so it was good to get away for the day. Of course we had to go see the famous leaning tower of Pisa, The train was about an hour and a half from Firenze (Florence), it was a pleasant train ride and I let Janelle Monae serenade me till we got there.

It took us about 35mins from the Pisa Centrale station to walk to the leaning tower.

It was actually a very nice walk, I didn't expect there to be so many shops, definitely going back for shopping purposes, many lovely Italian stores.

It was nice seeing the Arno river since it runs through Firenze as well it felt like home... yes I feel like a native

The leaning tower in the distance!! yaaay.

It was such fun people watching! Everyone was pretty much making a fool of themselves trying to do the stereotypical catching or pushing the leaning tower.

Until you try this thing you don't know how much of a science it is, for both the photographer and model (cookie for who can accurately name how many people in the photo above are doing the pose)

 So I tried the pose, got frustrated, finally got a couple but didn't like them as much, so I decided to be cute with the tower :D

Ohhh yeah fierce!! lmao

Hahahaha these guys got a great but interesting picture

Pisa was amazing, the weather was nice and cool unlike Firenze which was a relief.
Ci vediamo dopo!
Sabirah